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From: Jill
Date: 6/16/05
Time: 6:13:59 AM
Remote Name: 12.65.204.23
I had my baby girl about 15 months ago. Even before I had her I felt that I had a healthy awareness of germs, even though others said I was a germ freak. I also had periods of depression for as long as I can remember. It is just that after I had the baby everything got worse and fell apart. When my baby was three months old, that was my lowest point. I had to stop breastfeeding to start taking an antidepressant, and I was consumed with guilt. In some ways it was also a blessing, because breastfeeding caused so much anxity, I felt like I wasn't ever clean enough to feed her. I changed my clothes a lot, and had so many other compulsions (they are all about worrying about germs mostly). I still have most of the OCD symptoms, my husband and I just seem to be trying to adapt them into our life. Will they ever end? I don't see how I can be a good influence on my child with this going on as she grows up. I stay at home with her because I can't work with the OCD. I haven't had thoughts about hurting her, just about me, and how she and my husband would be so much better off without me. It is especially bad right now during PMS. I have lost my friends, am driving my husband over the edge, althought he doesn't say that, and feel all alone. I am just looking for some answers. Thanks for listening.