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From: AReece
Date: 5/20/05
Time: 10:56:55 AM
Remote Name: 24.207.178.178
I had some PPD after the birth of my 1st son 16 months ago, but finally began to feel better when I got pregnant again when he was 5 months old. I was not happy at all. It was completely unplanned and to be honest, I did not want to be pregnant again so soon. I felt like I was cheating my first son out of special mommy time. I never really got into my pregnancy and now feel really guilty about it. I had an easy pregnancy, worked up until 1 1/2 weeks before he was born and delivery was easy unlike my first son. I even got to hold him on my tummy immediately afterwards which I didn't get to do before. I was so happy and couldn't believe I hadn't wanted him. Well, things seemed to be going ok until I had to abruptly stop breastfeeding. It was about that time around 6 weeks or so that I felt my anxiety getting worse and the following week I started having panic attacks. I though I should do the responsible thing and call the OB to get on meds because I could feel the anxiety and depression coming on worse than before. The depression hit me like a boulder and for the last month I have been scared and so depressed. I have been to 2 psych docs and they keep changing my meds and don't seem to listen. I finally went back on the one that seemed to be helping a little (I was only on it for 8 days before the 2nd doc changed it.) I hadn't slept more than 2 1/2 hours at any given time and had felt so weak, out of energy and depressed. Well, it's been 2 weeks on the same med, and my panic attacks are better, but I still feel depressed and cry a lot. I am so fed up with the psych docs not listening and just prescribing, that I asked my primary to manage my meds and recommend a good therapist. I made my first appointment which is 2 weeks from now. I feel so disconnected from both of my babies right now and I don't like feeling so down. Some days seem "Eh, ok." then there are others that are so hard to push through. I get so scared that it's never going to get any better.