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From: jessica
Date: 11/29/04
Time: 1:14:36 AM
Remote Name: 67.11.162.49
I need a little advice a little help to figure out what to do. I have battled depression since I was 16 years old, I am now 25. 2 1/2 months ago I gave birth to my fourth child. I had handled my depression and only had the baby blues for a few days after the birth of my other children. This time is different. Since the birth of my daughter I can feel my self going into a spiral. I love all my kids and have no thoughts of hurting them. I have outrageous thoughts and know they are outrageous but they still seem to control my life. I keep myself extremely busy because if I dont my mind just wonders and it is hard for me to pull myself back to reality. Today i started crying and screaming to the lord for help for over an hour while my husband was at work. This is nothing new but today I oculdnt stop myself once he got home. I laid on the bed crying for over 45 minutes more. My husband seems to think once I stop crying all is well. Either that or he has no idea how to help me so he ignores it. My kids are starting to do the crying thing they see me doing and that makes me feel worse. I used to take medication but I havent had to in over 6 years. I cant afford to go to a Dr. for this or to get the medication. Could all this be postpartum depression? I am at a loss and i feel I am at my wits end. I just ant control my sadness any longer I hate feeling so out of control. I just want one good day when I am happy. Where I smile from within instead of just on the surface. any help advice I would be so grateful.