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From: Kelly
Date: 7/14/04
Time: 1:42:51 AM
Remote Name: 205.188.116.198
My daughter is now 6 months old, and I am falling a part. Earlier this week, I packed up 3 of my children (different father) and was going to bring them to their father. I left the baby here with her father and I was going to end of my life. I only got about 5 minutes away, and I snapped out of it. I came back home because I couldn't do that to my kids or my boyfriend. But now, he has moved back home with his parents and took the baby with him. He has left me to deal with this all by myself. I keep asking him to come back home to me. I need his love and support. I need my baby here with me. I didn't realize that I was going through postpartum depression. He is very hurt and angry that I could just walk out on him. I don't know how to make him understand that I was not walking out on him and the kids, but trying to walk out on myself. I set up an appointment with a counslor/shrink and I hope that will help me. But him not being here for me is very scary. Some times I feel ok, and other times I just feel an uncontrollable rage. And I don't know how to deal with it. I haven't eaten in a week, It is quarter till 2 in the morning. I can't sleep. I have to be up in 3 hours to get ready for work. I still have my other 3 children to take care of and myself. I feel so deserted. I am trying to hard to be ok. But I am finding it increasingly difficult to keep hope. I don't want to die. I don't want to do that to my family. I don't want to do that to myself. I just can't understand how he could walk out on me and leave me alone.