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From: Ty's Mom
Date: 5/14/04
Time: 6:25:38 PM
Remote Name: 68.223.129.77
I was not really thrilled after Ty's birth. He was born c-section and that was fine with me but I did miss that connection that I have heard women talk about with a live birth. I have always been one to keep my feelings under control. After Ty was born, I was surprised to find I had no emotional contact to him, but thought it was because of the C. My husband took care of Ty, he found me one day in the garage plotting my running away with our two cats crying my eyes out. That was the only time I cried. Three weeks later my Grandmother died, I never cried. I held it together for the rest of the family. I went back to work several weeks early but eventually found I really loved this kid that was now mine. I wasn't thrilled on my days off, but things could be worse. I mean, it wasn't the same, my husband stayed home during the week with Ty and on the weekends I just had a "second" job.
Then two weeks ago tomorrow, my 3 year old cat, Shatze, suddenly died of kidney failure. I am now a complete wreck, out of no where. I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying, I want nothing to do with my boss or work, I can hardly get through the week without fighting with my husband, I think of how I am wasting my life crying like this, and that only makes me cry more, and then I constantly blame myself for it all. I never cried when my Grandma died, and now I am sitting here with tears just rolling down my face. What kind of person does that make me? I was going to call my OBGYN but it's a pride thing. My husband knows somethings wrong, he makes comments. I haven't called my OBGYN because they didn't seem too concerned when I told them my Grandma died only 3 weeks postpardum, why would they care 10 months later?
I just want to stop feeling so sad and missing everything from long ago. I don't want to live in today anymore, I want to live in yesterday.
Ty's Mom